Aging experts call denial a shock absorber. It’s a healthy stage of grief that lets us take in hard news about someone we love at a pace we can handle, and most of us move in and out of it over time. That’s normal, and it’s not something to be ashamed of. The risk comes when that shock absorber never loosens up. Families can go months, sometimes years, caring for a parent or spouse without ever naming what’s happening.
That blind spot has a real cost. The National Alliance for Caregiving estimates 63 million Americans, nearly one in four adults, are family caregivers, and the number is likely an undercount because so many people doing groceries, housework, rides and bills don’t think of themselves as caregivers at all. When you’re not admitting it, experts say, you’re not taking care of yourself either. Caregivers who insist they’re fine at the breaking point risk exhaustion and friction with the very people they’re trying to help.
So what helps? Experts recommend gentle, open-ended questions instead of confrontation when a parent resists help, and they remind us that two family members can be in completely different stages of grief at the same time without realizing it. Start with what the person in front of you needs today, and give yourself permission to say out loud that you need support too. Here on the Suncoast, there’s no shortage of people who’ve been right where you are. What’s the one caregiving task you wish someone would take off your plate this month?
